I Fell In Love With A Mathematician


·         By:Kiiza David Maclaren
·      
I first saw her many multiples of 12 ago
It was a calculus class in particular,
There she was, seated next to the recursive solution
As the professor explained the elegance of his theorem
She seemed to me like the very elegance of miniaturized intervals
I definitely had models of how to approach this entire system
A mathematician will always sketch a solution, no matter how vague
The hurdles were in properly modeling her feelings
You see, mathematics girls have mastered the science of variables
So I had to improvise tradeoffs and approximate her distributions carefully
My first encounter was surely futile!
She caught all my assumptions and rejected my hypotheses
What was I to do, I'd approached her only in 3 dimensions!
"Give me some time" is what she said to me
I understood - a mathematician with knowledge of relativity will always ask for some time
So now I went back to model my approach using 4 dimensions
Relativity, special or general is fascinating and daunting
So I went to seek the advice of a more enlightened mind
There had to be a way to approach the hearts of queens
As there are ways to approach unstable-equilibriums!
All he said to me was "think about the utility function and work to optimize always"
I almost gave up, there were just too many parameters!
Chaos Theory failed to redeem me, I even tried Random Matrix Theory!
Having failed to think of how to accurately fit a utility to her
I then remembered how she relates to proximities and the 4th dimension
Finally, I'd found the key to her heart!
All I needed was a Gaussian space, because Hilbert spaces wouldn't make it happen for me
Having figured out my degrees of freedom, I asked her out for a date
We sat next to each other, I can't forget that night!
We gazed at the stars, joking and laughing about which of them had more gravitation than that between us
I held her hand, and traced the loci of excited electrons on her
We were both in hyper-space, and the equations of our feelings were all complex!
I then told her the 3 magical words-
"Solve My Problem"
She's a wonderful mathematician, she promptly proceeded to apply a top-down approach
All her assumptions and axioms were rational but her touches emotional
She whispered to me her hidden lemma, and I extrapolated to a blissful proposition
We held each other in ecstasy, allowing each iteration of the motion to converge
I enumerated all her nerve endings as she cried and moaned approximations of Pi to arbitrary precision
I looked into her eyes as we approached zeros of higher derivatives and I whispered to her - "I Love U"
The Force has blessed us ever since,
And no amount of rigorous proofs can ever demonstrate a contradiction in our love.
Thus I found me a lovely mathematician queen.


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